so this friday is my 17 yr anniversary!  we're going away for the weekend to a great resort, great dinner, great LOVE, GREAT TIMES . . . but i'm not sure if my husband will still be around, and if he is, how long does he have...? how long do we have...?

he has been SO sick this past year and he is getting sicker and sicker. his mental state is so dark and angry, and bitter, and long do we have...? although i have to admit he has been going to a few people and asking for forgiveness if he had ever caused the pain in anyway...he is taking care...tryna make things right...

last december we found out he had a mouth full of mercury! he had a terrible infection above his front teeth almost into his nasal passages! he had a huge hole at the top of his mouth and he didn't even know!!  thank God for this new dentist!!  she dug all through his mouth and found this horrible infection and poison from the mercury!! so now to 'undo' all of the past dental work he has had done YEARS ago, by a stone-age dentist.... it seems that most of the health problems he has had these last 10 years have all been related to the mercury...ugh!  how much time do we have left...?

last month we found out that he not only had mercury poisoning on top of the endocrin and thyroid burnout, pituatary failure, high blood pressure, fluid build up, sleep apnea, a bulging disc in his lower back, depression, now LEAD POISONING!!  JESUS WHAT NEXT?!?! HOW MUCH TIME DO WE HAVE?!?!

he has hardly any strength, but he seems to muster some up to go to the time 2pm comes around, he's so done for the day and night. he can't seem to stay awake at all.  he falls asleep driving, and the Good Lord has had Mercy on him to keep him safe!

so this past sunday he discovered that something had changed in his stomach...his navel to be exact.  (he is very over weight) he thought it might be a hernia, and so monday he went to see his doctor, and shonuf, it is a hernia, and is scheduled for surgery next long do we have...?  i am so freaked out by all of this sickness, and suffering, and i pray and ask God to HAVE MERCY!!!  Heal him and make him  strong and well and let him fullfill his purpose here in this earth or heal him and make him strong and well and take him home to be with Jesus!!  how long do we have...?

i awake in the wee hours of the morn, and sit with my Lord and cry, and grieve...already, and just ask the Lord for strength, and what to do!!  how long Lord?

for the past three years i had been having many dreams and the Lord coming to my bedside and giving me like mouth-to-mouth rescusitation...He was Breathing Life into me...He would always come in the darkest of night...then i asked Him one time while in prayer, "why is it Lord that you are coming to me in the night...? always in the night and the latest part of the night...the darkest...?  the I answered the question for Him, and said, "PLEASE don't answer that!! I already know why you come in the darkest of night..."  i could see Him so Good!  so Clear!!  and I knew why He kept coming...

i knew that 'dark times' were coming into my life, but I also knew that He would take me thru them all...!  sure enough, they have come, they are here, and are still coming...and He has been Faithful to walk me Lead and Guide me...when it's so dark, you can barely see, but if You Keep your Eyes on Jesus, You See Him!!  He is the Light of the World, who ever Follows after Him does not Walk in Darkness, but has the Light of Life!!!! (john 8:12)

He has also said that He would Give me the Treasures of the Darkness and Hidden Riches of Secret Places(isaiah 45:3)  those Treasures and Riches of the darkness, are Peace, Love, Joy, Hope, Endurance, Determination, Rest . . . Weeping may endure for a Night, But Joy comes in the Morning!!!

How long do we have . . .

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Comments (1)

  1. carolsue1ok

    I am so sorry. It is hard sometime. My husband died of high blood pressure a few months before he turned 51 years of age. I was widowed at 48. That has been 13 years ago.

    March 01, 2014