LIFE - or something that looks like it... :/

 

SO i wrote this months ago under a different name...

i have finally made it here!!  it hasn't been easy, but i made it!!  i have been itching to do some writing!!  not being able to write for over three months was tough!

life as i knew it has been turned upside down, right-side up and it is good!!  it was HELL, but this result is 'heavenly'...and i LOVE it!  i don't even know where to begin...

so i will start from this date...july 18th...i heard alley m. share her life story, and it was incredible!  only 24 yrs old and so much wisdom!!  (i wanna be just like her when i grow up...heheh, am 52 yrs young ... soon!) She is attending school at INTERNATIONAL HOUSE OF PRAYER in Kansas and is home for the summer.

hearing her 'God-Stories' really got me stirred up, but sad, depressed, hungry, angry excited and REFOCUSED!!  it so easy to get 'distracted' from your Destiny, with LIFE!!  life happens right?!?!  sometimes good life, sometimes bad life, some by our own doings and choices we make, some by things out of our control, and then some by THE ADVERSARY OF OUR SOUL...who comes to steal, kill and destroy!  but none-the-less, My God ALWAYS KNOWS WHATS UP and waitS to SEE if i will learn from these life changing events!  how will i respond, what will i do or say...how will i treat the peeps involved, especially those closest to me...?  husband? kids? church?  pastors and leaders?  what will i think of me, when all is said and done...BUT more importantly, WHAT WILL GOD THINK OF ME WHEN ALL IS SAID AND DONE...?

i have gone through SO MUCH CRAP in these last three-four months, but God has been SO WITH ME!  i was soo lost...a little 'taste' of what i have experienced...

JOY  HOPELESSNESS  ANXIETY  COLD  sorrow  PAIN  shame  BETRAYAL discouragement  DISPAIR  no motivation  motionless EMBARASSMENT joy  BEAT-DOWN love  anxiety  beat-down  ANGER RAGE lost  brainwashed PANIC CUT LOST  FEAR  depression dead confused  broken  BEATDOWN  DESPERATE  invisible  UGLY  stabbed  cursed SELF-LOATHING ALONE LOOSER hate  PAIN PAIN empty cursed  BEAT-DOWN  crushed  NO GOOD  KRAZY OLD  RUN FAST RUN FAR joy  hope  encouraged  pressed  TIRED  TIRED  TIRED PANIC  HOPE  love  laughter  unforgiveness  bitterness  NEVERDOANYTHINGRIGHT   . . . how many of you have ever gone through something similar raise your hand...BOTH HANDS...ugh.

i know God was withme through it all tho!  but i did not like it one bit!!  IT WAS PAINFUL!!!  PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY, SPIRITUALLY, EMOTIONALLY!!  hahahh and this was only in trying to bring healing and deliverance into my marriage...i knew God was 'rooting' out old behaviors, and mind-sets, and was bringing healing into our marriage cause I asked for it...although it came thru means totally unexpected, but totally God...but IT SUCKED...BIG!  i wasn't sure if i could ENDURE it all...BUT I HAD TO...i wanted to FULFILL MY DESTINY...is this really what i wanted?!  to go through this HELL, PAIN...I know my hubby did not want it, and he DINT ASK FOR IT EITHER!!  he was sure to let me know...  :) 

to be continued . . .

 

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Comments (6)

  1. wirelessguru1

    You are very powerful if you can turn hell into heaven…

    January 16, 2014
  2. sivole

    wirelessguru1, only God has that Power…I can only Trust and ask for Help…and I NEED alotta Help! hehehe

    January 17, 2014
    1. wirelessguru1

      God = I AM.

      January 17, 2014
  3. sivole

    God = I AM = TRUTH . . .

    January 17, 2014
  4. subhasissarka12

    Hello greetings from India . I like what you wrote. Sometimes when things go wrong or the way we didn’t thought of , we started to think like everything goes wrong and attract all the negative vibes , such sort of things . Our mind is always forced to think like that only. We cry , fell loneliness even though surrounded with bunch of peoples . I know the feeling b’cuz its mutual . Full with frustration we blame ourself even God , with time everything passes and when suddenly everything is okay again we didn’t get time to say thank you to God , but somehow we manage to assault him/her. I know always believe in God , who is inside us , hence in your self and mark one thing everything changes with time even happiness doesn’t exist for long . Sorry if i hurt your feeling or sentiments in any manner .

    Take care
    Chao

    January 29, 2014
    1. sivole


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      January 30, 2014