i dint realize how much 'sewing stuff' mother had!!!

my mother has been a seamstress ever since i can remember!  she would sew outfits, bell bottom pants, matching halter tops, and hat and handbags and we would walk the neighborhood, go door to door and sell them...mainly to the black women and they loved her outfits!

i remember her sewing me new pants, with real wide, ruffly bells, neon green and I WAS SO KOOL cuz i had the koolest pants for an eight year old!! she had such a gift for sewing ANYTHING! I absolutely hated going into the fabric stores with her. She would spend hours at a time there...then one day i learned how to make hair bows...and i thought, 'hey, this is cute, i can sew like my mother now!!' once i realized i had a gift for being crafty, i had a change of heart for the fabric stores!! i am no seamstress like mother, but i can hold my own!

we started seperating her, just trinkets, knick-knacks, sewing stuff, fabrics, photos, important papers...i think Mother had a whole other house right in her bedroom!  we filled like six big boxes just of these things and some casual clothes and we dint even make a dent in the place...Mother loved to collect little trinkets, jewelry, clothes, and especially SHOES!!

Mother grew up the oldest of like 10 kids. Her parents owned their own bar, and so the life of a child whose parents own a bar is pretty scary...especially if they are crazy hispanic bar owners...haha. they were always alone at night. every night, and so folks that frequented the bar knew the kids were home alone...and so that left the 'door' wide open for 'sick-strangers' to come in...and they did come, more than once, and i'm sure you can guess what happened next...

they dint have much as kids. Mother married Father at the age of 16 and dad was 15. she was very sad to be leaving all of her babies alone, with no mother at home to tend to their needs. My Mother was their mother also.  She married into another family where the Mother was home, but not all there if you know what i mean and so she became a mother to all of these children also.  prolly about the same amount of kids...not sure.  she was a good mother but strict. my dad was very strict. 

i could smell her scent as soon as we opened her bedroom door, and i saw her in my minds eye...she always smelled so good, even when she was sick. i could feel her warm slim fingers caressing my face as she told me how i was her baby and how much she loved me. oh as i share this with you, i can feel it in my heart and my heart is full of Love, Pain, Missing, Hurt, Longing...the feel her hands once more...when my finger nails grow out, my hands look just like hers...i'm glad i don't have my dads hands...his fingers are stubby, carpenter fingers and his thumbs are round and not long.  my sister got blessed with his thumbs...hahah.  in the last months of her life, her skin turned very dark, almost black...her nail beds were black...

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